Vayechi 5786

A Blessing for Who We Are

One of the moments I have always cherished—and still love to experience—happens at the Shabbat evening table. It is a profound "transference" to watch my own children now placing their hands on their children, just as I once did for them.

I am often reminded of the Friday nights at services when I would invite parents to bless their children between Kabbalat Shabbat and Maariv. I always gave one specific piece of advice: "Put your hands on their shoulders, not their heads." More often than not, the kids didn’t want their hair messed up, or they simply found the head-touch a bit too much. It was a lesson in meeting our children exactly where they are.

The words we use for that blessing come from this week’s Torah portion, Vayechi. They are the words Jacob used to bless his grandsons, Ephraim and Menashe: “May God make you like Ephraim and Menashe.”

Why these two? We might ask: do we really want our children to have the specific lives of Joseph’s sons? Perhaps it is because they were the first brothers in Genesis to live without sibling rivalry. Or perhaps we want our children to navigate the world as they did—balancing their Egyptian surroundings (their "American society") with their sacred heritage. One commentary, Pirke d’Rabbi Eliezer suggests that  Dina’s daughter, Asenath, had somehow arrived in Egypt and was given to Joseph as his bride.  Might that suggest that, through Ephraim and Menashe, Jacob’s daughter Dina was finally "written back" into the tribal lineage, suggesting a blessing of radical inclusion.

Maybe our wish is simply for the security they enjoyed. As a member of the "Boomer" generation, I am acutely aware of the headlines today regarding economic uncertainty. Our blessing for the next generation is often a prayer for the same stability and joy we hope to pass down.

A Blessing for the Whole Community

Lately, however, I have noticed a shift. During the Kol Nidre service, when I invite parents to rise and bless their children, often only a few youngsters are present. While we smile at those children, there can be a sense of quiet longing in the room for those whose families are far away or for those whose pews feel a bit emptier.

My mentor in Israel, Rabbi Reuven Hammer z"l, offered a wonderful suggestion for these moments: When there are no children present to be blessed, we should offer the Priestly Blessing to one another.

Community is a family of choice. Whether we are blessing a child or the person sitting in the next ritual seat, the intent is the same. As we bridge the end of the book of Genesis with the start of a new secular year, I find myself drawn to the beautiful alternative blessing offered by Marcia Falk:

Hayi asher tihyi—vahayi berukhah ba’asher tihyi. Be who you are—and may you be blessed in all that you are.

That is my wish for you as we enter 2026. May we be a community that rests our hands on each other's shoulders, honoring exactly who we are and who we are becoming.

Am Yisrael Chai!!!

Shabbat Shalom,

Rabbi K